he puts the penis in happiness.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
