Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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