if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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