I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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