She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
