Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
