Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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