i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize