Where is the hickey?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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