Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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