Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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