mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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