I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize