I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
