YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
