Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
