Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
