We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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