i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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