i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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