paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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