I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
