just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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