Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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