I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
