My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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