Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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