Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Text me some of your sweat
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
