Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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