chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
