you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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