Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
