Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
