I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
