anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
