Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
