She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
