he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Come on in and take your pants off
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