I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
