i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
