please come you make the beer taste better
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize