I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
