so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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