Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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