wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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