Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
