My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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