sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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