I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
