So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
someone owes me an orgasm
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
