Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
