walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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