thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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