No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
