Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
