the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
