just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
