I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
