I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
