It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
