I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am naked and annoyed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
