where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You smell like a Billy Joel song
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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