So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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