i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
