Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
