Umm I'm too high to move.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
