You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
