Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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