Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
