I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
