Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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