I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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