woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
