Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
