I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
