I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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