are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
