**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
