There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
