My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
